“I will guide you along the best pathway for your life. I will advise you and watch over you.”
Psalm 32:8
This past weekend I splurged, and I mean badly on a lot of things. You tell me to social distance and I apparently considered that a shopping spree! Oops! But as I made my first order of Young Living Essential oils a thought crossed my mind. For years I have told myself “oils may work for other people, but it’s just not for me, I don’t think it will do anything for me.” And then I realized something, there have been times in my life that I’ve said the same thing about God. Have you ever been there before? Where you know and believe it to be true for someone else but you can’t quite believe it to be true for yourself?
I struggle with this every day, my biggest struggles being the fear of missing out, the fear of rejection, and the fear of not being enough, and boy can those lies do a number on your heart. I think my fears have lead to a lot of disappointments in my life. Whether that be broken friendships, relationships, or missed opportunities, it’s all happened. Most recently that fear of missing out and feeling like I wasn’t good enough to be a part of people’s friend circles led me to leaving GSM which I absolutely love. Not a day goes by that I don’t regret that decision and how frustrating it is that I once again believed the lies of the enemy instead of the truth of Gods word. The enemy is great at telling you what you’re not good at and not worthy of. There’s not a moment that passes that he won’t try and weasel his way into your heart to whisper lies to get you to turn away from God.
But here’s the truth, God wants your heart. He wants your hurts, failed friendships/relationships, mistakes and worries and He wants you to lay it all before Him. You ARE worthy. You ARE loved. You ARE enough. There’s nothing that our God can’t to for us. But He does give us the choice of whether or not to believe it. I’ve seen the things I’ve surrendered to Him, turn into surprises of a life time. I’ve seen my hurt heart be willing to open up again because God has someone better I’m mind for me. I’ve seen my fears about finances turn into blessings that I can’t even explain. But most importantly I’ve felt God working in my heart. I’m no longer as anxious and stressed and worried anymore because God has shown me that He hears my prayers and has answered them in His timing. I know he can do the same for you too!
In a world full of the unknown right now, I hope this encourages you to keep on going! Let’s turn our eyes to the One who loves us most and put our trust in Him.
This week I heard a new worship song called “Graves into Gardens” and I love it. God turns all our graves (hurts, habits, and hang ups) into something beautiful, just like a garden. So of course, I had to end this post with a time of worship. Enjoy!
"How beautiful are the feet of messengers who bring good news"
Romans 10:15
I've had the blessing to go on many different trips in my 25 years, 2 band trips, 1 choir trip, and 5 missions trips. In high school our graduating class was the 'lucky class' who landed on the year where we got to attend 3 trips! Throughout high school I've been to Seattle, San Francisco, Boston, D.C, New York and San Antonio. All of those trips were awesome! Not only did we get to sight see, and take fairy rides to different islands, but we also got to march in some big parades and sing at the Alamo! My high school trips quickly turned into a love of traveling, but it wasn't until the end of my senior year that I was introduced to mission trips.
The summer before moving to Brookings, I was able to go to Lame Deer, Montana with my youth group where we served on an Indian reservation. I remember being so scared to go, but really felt God calling me to break down that wall and take a chance. It turned out to be an amazing experience full of VBS with the kids and playing games with them! After this trip, I was ready for the next trip! My freshman year of college I had the opportunity to go to Pine Ridge, South Dakota and because of my experience in Montana, I was really excited to go and serve on this reservation! That trip was another great one, we had a lot of interaction with the kids there and even had a 'girls only' volleyball game night with some of the women from Pine Ridge. I ended up meeting one of my close friends on that trip, and to this day we still keep in touch and meet in Sioux Falls every once in awhile to catch up. My third trip was to Minneapolis, and well, long story short I broke my wrist right before we were heading out for out first mission trip event so while everyone was out doing their thing I was in a hospital trying not to pass out (pain=not my thing!). But the next day I decided that I wasn't going to let a broken wrist get in the way of what God called us there to do, so with a little Advil and a lot of will power, I was able to attend the next event and make the rest of the trip the best it could be, sling and all!
My all time favorite Mission Trips were our back to back years to San Francisco. This city has become special to me because our team was the first team to launch the Bay Area for Praying Pelican Missions. Now I'll be honest, the first year I almost didn't get on the plane because I was terrified of flying and I was so scared of what was to come on this trip. But as the week went on, my walls broke down and I had the experience of a life time, and a hard time saying goodbye to my new friends!
Each year we got to chose what we wanted to do, and I thought it was really cool that we got to pair each event for the day to each of our talents and gift that we brought to the table! Both years we teamed up with Spreading the Love of Jesus Ministry where we got to pack meals together and then go out in the community and feed the homeless. It was very heartwarming to put a smile on someone's face and to be able to sit down with them and hear their stories. We also took a day where we passed out water bottles in downtown San Francisco which was a great experience! Not only were we able to bless others, but it was also an opportunity to enjoy the day and enjoy each others company and take in the sights and sounds of San Francisco. We went to Chinatown our second year and had a photo scavenger hunt. While we were there; we were encouraged to eat a meal and I'll be honest, I don't like Chinese food, but I promised Linda that I'd try something, and I did! Linda is all about diving into different cultures in the Bay Area, and each year has taken us to different restaurants as asked that we at least try something new, even if we didn't like it!
We spent a day at Golden Gate Fields which is a horse racing track where we got to come up with different games to play with the ranch hands and horse trainers and their families who don't leave the fields too often. After our day of games we then served a meal to them and had an awards ceremony where we handed out gift cards to those who participated in the games! We prepped and served meals at the Bay Area Rescue Mission House and in-between meals we attended chapel time and shared our testimonies with the homeless community and residents of the shelter. We also woke up at the crack of dawn to go to Teen Challenge and attend chapel and eat breakfast with the gentlemen who lived there. All of them have a pretty tough past, but all are learning to love Jesus and live a life with Him! One of my favorite nights however, was when we got to attend youth group with our host church Community Alliance, and sing on the worship team with them, share testimonies, and hangout and play games with them. I love that church family and was so happy to have been welcomed back the next year!
Lately God has put it on my heart to take another team back to San Francisco. I'm not sure what that looks like right now, or how to go about putting a trip together, but I truly believe that if it's God's will for another Brookings team to go, He will get us there one way or another! There's something about the west coast and the people there who have a piece of my heart and always will. To be able to take a team back there and introduce them to my friends would be an honor! But until then, I'm going to continue to pray about it, and believe that when the timing is right, the trip will happen!
"How we love people can either harm them or empower them."
~ Becky Rasmussen
This past Wednesday I had the opportunity to attend the WILL (Women in Leadership and Learning)Power Up Conference and one speaker in particular really touched me with what she had to say. Becky Rasmussen was the speaker of the topic 'Real Love Empowers' and her story is really touching. Becky grew up with a mother who verbally abused her and who always talked down on her. I remember Becky saying that whenever her mom would 'attack' her, she'd always look to her dad in hopes for protection, and he'd turn the other way. Later in life Becky went through a divorce and finally made a pact with herself; She knew that the only way to find freedom in her life was to forgive her mom, which she did. She went on to say that even though her mom still yelled at her even to the end of her time on earth, Becky found freedom in knowing that her mom grew up in that environment, and really never knew how to truly love someone. And because of having forgiven her mom, she was able to love on her until the day she passed.
Becky now works alongside 6 other people and together they help women (and men) find freedom from Human Trafficking. Together they offer their clients guidance and support to break from that lifestyle and find freedom in Jesus and in love. She told us of a lady who starting at age 3 was introduced to this lifestyle as her dad was preparing to sell her to his 'friends'. When she came into her office as a teenager, she was angry, broken, and even attempted suicide. As this girl was standing on a bridge to end her life she realized something, she realized that Becky and her team loved her, and they very much wanted for her to start a new lease on life and live in the freedom that the Lord has for all of His people. She ended up walking away that day instead of jumping off. A year later after finding healing and power through Becky's program, she told Becky "I need to see my dad, because I need to forgive him and get that closure to be able to move on" and together they did just that. This lady is now working for Becky's company and is a powerhouse speaker of freedom and sharing her story with others. Becky shared that 1 Corinthians 13:4-7 helps her get through her day. She centers her life around love and knows that despite how hard a situation/client may be, if you love them in a way that empowers them to move forward, they will be unstoppable. We are to love just as God loves us 1 John 4:19.
As I was thinking about my college years I realized something, I realized that I let a lot of hurtful words control my life. And to be honest a lot of my hurts and my insecurities came from the words of some guys/men who I've encountered along the way. Because of this I get scared of opening up to people and here's why. I remember hanging out with a group of my friends and being told that the reason I was always able to come along was because of my roommate. When she wasn't around, I usually wasn't as welcomed in this circle of friends. One guy in particular never failed to tell me that "you suck at life", "you suck at"...you name it, he always said it and it hurt. I started to go from loving to hangout with my friends, to dreading it. Another gentlemen in that circle went as far as telling all the guys in our Navigators group that I was going around telling lies about him, and making him look bad. After getting a nasty Facebook message from this gentlemen saying "I don't like you, I never have liked you, and I never want to speak to you again", I found out through a roommate of his that he did like me, and because I was not interested in him, he made the choice to blackmail me so I'd be miserable too. Long story short, because of this, I was asked to step down from the leadership team in the Navigators group and was told from the leader that he thought I had too many problems to stay on the leadership team and that he'd rather I keep attending the group and growing in my faith. This same exact conversation happened 3 years later with my pastors at my old church, which you can read about in my post 'Moving On'.
As I think about my conversation that I had with those pastors, and as I think about Becky's message, I realized that in a way my pastors were right at that time. I was living with a lot of dirt in my life, and that brought on anxiety and a fear of trusting people. I trained myself to run away instead of facing those giants. I didn't know how to live loved or how to love other people. It became evident both at church and at work that I was not ok. It wasn't until my lowest of lows where I knew that I either needed to chose God, or chose to be miserable.
Becky ended her message with this "I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made" Psalm 139:14. She said that we have a choice, we can chose to use our tools, gifts, and talents that God has given us to empower ourselves and others or we can chose to live in negativity and be miserable. April 8th is when everything turned around for me. When I first started attending GracePoint, I wasn't looking to get involved so quickly, but God had other plans for me. I realized in a matter of months that my tools, gifts, and talents were way larger that the dirt in my life. I was able to find freedom in God's love for me and freedom after forgiving those who hurt me in the past. Real love can empower you and through you, love can empower others.I'm seeing that more and more every single day! My job now is to continue building trust with people, to build solid friendships that are centered around God, to continue using my tools, gifts, and talents, and to learn to love again. Becky's message was a great refresher, and you can tell that God has worked wonders in her life and in mine!
This whole week the song 'Not Today' by Hillsong UNITED has been stuck in my head. To me this song embodies freedom. It embodies saying no to fear and the enemies lies and reigning in life. I like to think of it as my theme song for the week's and months ahead. There's power in saying no to the enemy, and there's freedoms to living loved, and I chose love!
"Today is the first blank page of a 365 page book. Write a good one."
~ Brad Paisley
Happy New Year everyone! I feel as if I blinked and 2018 is gone! It's crazy how a year full of ups, downs, and roller coaster rides can come and go so quickly. I could share so many stories from 2018, because it was definitely a year for the books, but instead of focusing on the past, I want to look forward to the future and what 2019 has in store. The first thing I'm doing this year is a game night at the church with some students, one of which invited me to come along and join in the fun!
A week from tomorrow youth group starts up again and I'm excited to jump back in and kick winter semester off. What I've learned leading youth is that you not only teach and equip your connect group to go out and share the word with others, but they've taught me some things about myself along the way as well. Patience for me is something that does not come easy, and these ladies have taught me that some nights, you just have to let them talk, and get things off their chest because middle school is hard sometimes! With patience comes trust, friendships and the opportunity to mentor and make a bigger impact in their lives outside of Wednesday nights. One girl in my group has already become a close friend of mine and has "volun-told" me that I will be her camp counselor this summer even if she has to beg the youth pastors LOL! To go along with that, she has also said that I will be going on all the other trips this semester...I wonder if she'll be requesting my time off for all of this!?
It's those impacts on Wednesday nights that turn into so much more that just me being their leader. I consider my girls friends, and they know that I'm always a text, phone call, or ice cream stop away if needed. That being said, I really want to make being a impact a challenge for my girls this semester. Whether that be praying for someone who may not know Jesus, sitting next to someone new at lunch, or sharing their testimonies with friends or even the youth group would be awesome. It's always the little gestures that make a huge impact on someone's life, and I know that they can do it!
As for me personally, I want to take what I've learned Sunday mornings and Wednesday nights to impact those I see on a daily basis. I've made it a goal this year to get involved in Chamber events to not only put myself out there, but to learn from others not only improve myself at work, but in my personal life. I hope that getting involved more in Connect 2140 and WILL (Women in Leadership and Learning) events will help me make those impacts with others as I have with my youth girls. I just have to trust that when God opens that door, He'll give me the courage to walk through it and make that connection.
Every day is your mission field to touch someone's life and make a difference and I hope to continue to do so in 2019. May you all have the courage to get out their and make your own impacts! Have a blessed New year!
"I will give thanks to the Lord with all my heart"
Psalm 9:1
There are a few small victories that have happened this week that I couldn't help by write about it. God has answered some prayers for me, one of which has been two years in the making. To say I'm in complete awe of these answered prayers would be an understatement. I'm happy dancing, singing, jumping, you name it, it's happening on the inside right now!
About a week ago I found out that my co-leader from youth group accepted an internship which is sadly taking her away for awhile next semester. When she first told me, I was a little nervous, as this year has been slightly challenging for me. I used to lead a group of 6 girls, and I'm now leading 24 at Gracepoint and some weeks can be a little overwhelming. With that big of group, two leaders are better than one. But I also realized after a talk with the youth pastor, that despite what I think, even the distracting nights tend to be a growing time for some of the girls. That in itself gave me the confidence to go into next semester with no fear, but instead excitement of what's to come. And I know that while she's gone, my co-leader is going to rock her internship and be a phone call away should I need her advice.
Through our conversation her and I also talked about housing and how she's needing a place to come back to hoping to avoid a dorm fee which, lets be honest, is ridiculously high priced. Knowing that I had an extra room open, and knowing that we'd really be helping one another out, I took a chance and offered my open room for her to come back to once her internship ended. This has been a prayer of mine to find someone to fill that room even if for a short while and I was hoping and believing that one day God would answer that prayer. Well, come that Sunday morning, we sat together during the service and talked about it a little more, and decided to go for it! It may have taken two years, but God knew EXACTLY who needed a place to stay and who that person was going to be. I'm am completely blown away, and very excited about it. I can't help but be thankful and extra smiley this week as I know it will be a good time and Myla will love the extra attention too!
Last Wednesday as well as tonight, was yet another victory and this one I'm definitely happy dancing about! I've always had a heart for those that tend to sit in a corner and just take things in. I was one of those students as well, and it took until my Freshman year of college and my roommate moving out the day after move-in day to realize that I need to break my fear of meeting new people and just do it. We have a couple girls from another school in our small group and each week though they were asked questions, you could visibly tell that they were terrified to talk. These last two weeks though, they've participated with no fear and even shared the excitement of making the Varsity Basketball team as 8th graders, that's quite an accomplishment! Tonight was even better, and though a majority of our girls were a little stir crazy and not having it for small group talk, the ones that participated the most were the girls that I've been praying over all year to break out of their shells and have fun, and that's exactly what they did tonight. So instead of my usual "did this even go well" questioning to myself, this one small victory totally overpowered that thought tonight. God is moving in these girls, and it's an honor to be a small part of their lives. So tonight I'm celebrating small victories, jumping for joy, and ready for the next surprise!
